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Subject:Next chapter
Time:09:20 pm
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
Every chapter of this book is going to make me post something, isn't it?
The next exercise:


What emotions do I want to experience in a scene? I've noticed that many they offered fit into groups for me, and not all of these groups are compatible within the same scene.

helplessness, smallness, innocence, youth - I want to feel vulnerable, in need of care and protection, so that I may put all my trust into you.

objectification, being owned, feeling sexy, competence - I want to feel wanted, that something about me that is tangible is desired. Whether this be my body, or some act I can perform, or some other trait that makes me worthwhile.

redemption, belonging, forgiveness - I want to feel that the things I want and the things I have done are ok, that I am still worthy of being loved.

embarrassment, naughtiness - as opposed to shame. I like feeling embarrassed, but I want to be proud of that which makes me embarrassed.

lust, fear, loss of control - seems a weird mix, but they are all about losing myself in an emotion that is more sensation than thought. being restrained and tickled, being whipped to the point where all I am is the lines of pain, being so turned on that I can't talk. reaching the animal level of sensation and consciousness where language leaves me.


What emotions do I want to avoid? Smaller list.

anger, sadness - I'm not looking for emotions that make me feel worse.

abandonment, shame - I'm looking for acceptance, abandonment or shame could really hurt.


What roles do I want to play?

Roles are something that I think could be fun, but are not natural for me to do, except for little boy.

Roles I'd be interested in playing: good boy, cherished possession, sex object, servant, animal, sissy, pleasure slave, child, victim
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