Log in

No account? Create an account

[icon] I figured something out. - play? PLAY! playplayplayplay
View:Recent Entries.

Subject:I figured something out.
Time:11:54 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
With much help and conversation with my mate, I stripped down all my problems and emotions, trying to find out what I really need in a scene.

I'm basicly trying to buy love and acceptance. That's why I feel so good when I make someone cum, but I don't feel that way when I cum myself. I feel like I earned it, when I make someone happy. That's why I was so upset about not being used at the party. I was hoping that I would get the chance to get a little love from lots of people, and didn't get enough. This is why I spent so much money on a fursuit, because inside the fursuit people will accept me and love me. That's why I buy or make or draw most things I do, hoping the recipient will be happy and I will get to feel loved. That's why I create, why I yiff, why I do most things. That's why I sometimes feel I've never had enough sex to satisfy me: I've never felt like I've been loved enough.

I feel I have to earn any love I get. And all too often, my attempts fail, or get halfhearted thanks.

So. Core problem identified.
Now I just have to figure out what to do with this.
comments: Leave a comment Previous Entry Share Next Entry

Subject:Comment from a friend
Time:2009-04-05 04:16 am (UTC)
HIya Pup.

Not presuming tell you what to do. You already know way more than me
what best makes your life work -- Just making a few observations.

The concept of buying love concerns me.

Reading this & the previous post (your feelings after the party) makes
me feel that your
collapsing several types of love into one -- Trying to find parental
acceptance, social praise from peers, and romantic intimacy all in one
place....(with strangers).

It sounds like your outsourcing the feelings of love & self worth to
others...making it something that has to be "given to you"...not
something you intrinsicly "have" or "produce for yourself".
placing it outside yourself.

The parallel that springs to mind are hollywood celebrities, if you
dont mind equating popularity with love.
As a celebrity, if the only time you feel love is when your the center
of attention and popular, your going ot be depressed whenever your not
in the spotlight.

Parallel with hollywood celibrities, equate popularity with love.
As long as your popular you feel the love of the crowd. But what
happens when the crowd
moves on to something else? It sounds really dangerous to one's sense
of self-worth and wellbeing to give someone else that much control
over how you value yourself.

Your sense of purpose & self-worth cant
If your real goal is to find meaning and a sense of purporse, DO
Volunteer for a Charity. Serve food at a soup kitchen that feeds the
homeless. Do anything that involves stepping outside your normal
boundaries and focus on making someone else's life better.

I'll end with this question... Is it really love if you can buy it?
People should love you for WHO YOU ARE, not WHAT YOU DO for them.

At the risk of sounding (more) Cliche, Money
cant buy you love

Your Friend.
- JoJo Monkey (Formerly Mojo Jojo, before the therapy)
(Reply) (Thread)

Time:2009-04-08 02:29 am (UTC)
@ scritches a pup's ears @

Hi there. =:oD I figured I'd comment here, since the mods are starting drama on poly_furries.

I won't try to get into the philosophical part of what you're saying - but I will say, I get pleasure from giving pleasure. I very much know the feeling of feeling good by getting someone else to climax.
(Reply) (Thread)

[icon] I figured something out. - play? PLAY! playplayplayplay
View:Recent Entries.